I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
