glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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