The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
