Soap is not a condiment
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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