ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
