Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
