Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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