I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
