Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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