This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
