Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
