Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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