WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
