when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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