I am spending my child support on dildos
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
