at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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