worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
