i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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