reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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