Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
