Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
NoShamevember. You game?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Randomize
