I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
