I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
