so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
