Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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