At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize