God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
