they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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