I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
