Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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