I heard we made out
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
