I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
