im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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