The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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