I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The uberlube is also flammable
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize