Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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