my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
