grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
