remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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