marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize