Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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