Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
