Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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