Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize