what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
