Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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