Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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