Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
