I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
