I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
