i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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