Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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