Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize