Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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