I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
