he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
