I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
well you can't waste a boner
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
