God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
