Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
