Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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