tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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