I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no you cant smoke seaweed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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