Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
