someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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