She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
