Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize