I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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