oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
