Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
