I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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