How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
