remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
