Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
