Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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