I need help removing her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
