There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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